[expand title="1. Quitting My 'Career' Job" startwrap="" endwrap="" tag="h6"]
I'd worked for almost a year in the Planning Department at the City after having gone to Planning School for 3 years. But it wasn't long before it felt tiresome, repetitive, anti-creative, and like a dead end. I saw my whole life stretching before me. And what I found myself doing when I got home, was obsessively editing demos all night long. I survived because I would catch an hour of sleep during the lunch break at work. Don't get me wrong, I had gotten into the office buzz to some degree. I liked being around people, and helping people too. But to make a long story short, after a year, despite the offer of a promotion and a raise, I quit. Somehow I managed to go into the office of my boss and her boss and tell them I was done. And unexpectedly, strangely, in the final two weeks on the job, I was transported to another planet. Somehow, I was alive again. I knew I would never see any of my co-workers again and I suddenly cared to know so much more about everyone. Who they were. What their dreams were. I suddenly found myself able to relate to people honestly, genuinely, and I found myself reaching out to them. Connecting with them. The energy of every look in the eye, every smile, every well wish, I wanted the best for everyone and they wanted the best for me. I wanted to know who everyone was. Free of judgement, free of self-consciousness, free of fear, full of genuine interest, curiosity and wonder. Somehow, and for some reason, I put out energy and it was returned by everyone around me in a magnified, intense and joyful way. [/expand]
[expand title="2. The Final 3 Months Of My Student Exchange To Germany" startwrap="" endwrap="" tag="h6"]I went to Germany for a full year on a student exchange right out of high school mainly for the experience. About halfway through I made the decision to join the school rock band and this was when I started making real friends. I made real connections with people in a way that I hardly understood. The friends I made in that time became friends forever. I was the foreigner, totally out of my element. I was happy to be accepted, period, by anyone. It was intense, while at the same time free, fun and full of adventure. It was easy to fall in love. I was forced to be in the present moment in part because I knew there was an end date to the exchange when I would have to get on a plane back to Canada and say goodbye. Also, after 9 months in Germany, I was no longer thinkng about home - I had managed to put it out of my mind entirely. I didn't have to give a thought to my future either - I knew I'd be going to University when I got back - it was all settled and seemed like a distant reality. It was nothing to worry about. Little did I know that all I would be trying to do for the next 15 years was get back to that same feeling, playing music and connecting again with those people that I'd loved.[/expand]
[expand title="3. First Rehearsal With New Band After Moving To Ottawa" startwrap="" endwrap="" tag="h6"]It was the first jam with complete strangers that I had organized since moving across the country. And we were jamming on a few of my original tunes. I felt the connection you feel with other players when you are playing music and giving all you've got. It was really great energy in the room. It was the realization of a dream, a vision I'd had for a long time, hearing my songs played by a band. And it felt good. It was a major event for me to be playing with new players in a new city. All that had come before didn't matter and all that was to come was open canvas. I was judging nothing, not myself, not anyone. It was all out, in the moment. It was one jam, in one room, in one city, in one world. For those two hours it was the place to be.[/expand]
[expand title="4. Alone At Long Beach" startwrap="" endwrap="" tag="h6"]On the boundary of a wide open, pristine, magnificent beach and an opening in the rainforest where the trail heads back up to Radar Hill at Long Beach, Vancouver Island, Canada I looked back and had one of those mystical, transcendental experiences when your awareness expands outwards and is brought into communion with something infinite and indescribable. It's an awareness and it's a feeling, a tingling feeling, an elevated emotion that moves you profoundly. A spontaneous present moment of connection, wonder, and awe. [/expand]
[expand title="5. The Moment Of The Vows At My Wedding" startwrap="" endwrap="" tag="h6"]During the vows it was just me and her - everything else melted away. I put down the mic, held her hands in mine, looked into her eyes, and meant each and every word. Time stood still. Despite all the craziness of the rest of the wedding event, that was the moment that mattered. And it was a beautiful moment.[/expand]
[expand title="6. Just A Feeling That Everything Was Going To Be OK" startwrap="" endwrap="" tag="h6"]3rd year University, 21 years old, living on my own, in the city, feeling lonely, despairing, grinding out the grades in quiet desperation, really knowing I just wanted to do music. The sudden emergence of a feeling of a knowing that everything was going to work out. That the future held limitless potential. And it came from nowhere, or rather it came from me somewhere... At the time I translated what I was feeling and thinking into words on a little piece of paper and I've always kept it in a box and now it's in my wallet. This is what I spontaneously wrote: “It can work. I am on my way. Skepticism aside. The Here and Now. The wonder of it all. Search for the Ultimate Possibilities. Know Thyself. Experience Thyself. REMEMber the Beauty that is the World. SHARE in that beauty. Make the ultimate possibilities come true! Feel good about accomplishments because they are worthwhile! They are for love. Hold fast to that beauty! Acceptance. Make things happen for you. Simply be ... ready for the ultimate experience! It can be ours, and we can make it work for us! To Our future!” At the time, I couldn't really explain it. But it sure brought me back.[/expand]
[expand title="7. The Second Time Treeplanting" startwrap="" endwrap="" tag="h6"]I had moved back to British Columbia after spending a year in Toronto trying to break onto the music scene. I had lined myself up with a treeplanting job, but it was two months before the season was going to start and until it began I was stuck living in a trailer in a small town called Castlegar with my girlfriend and her parents. And that was all right and fine, but on the other hand, the relationship wasn't really working out. I had been being ground down to a tiny little piece of myself slowly but surely for quite awhile. And when the season finally began, and I got on the Greyhound bus north, I was so happy to be on my own, living in a tent, free as can be, in the forest with the mosquitos, the flies, the bears, and the planting crew. It was such a relief, I was just happy to plant trees all day, eat food, play guitar and hackysack, and drink cheap beer. The past was gone, the future didn't matter. I didn't have to think about it and I didn't think about it. And I planted so many trees I became a sort of leader of the crew. It was good times.[/expand]
[expand title="8. Walking Back To Campus From The Coffee Shop" startwrap="" endwrap="" tag="h6"]I was walking back to the University of BC campus from a nearby coffee shop on the road along the fringe of a little forested park. It was essentially a non-descript day in a fairly ordinary place at an ordinary time, but I was in songwriting mode. Nevertheless, there was no explanation for it, but I suddenly had a transcendental experience again. I just felt a presence. In the forest, around the tops of the trees, it was kind of an awareness, a feeling. A magnificent feeling. Of connectedness with everthing. Of beauty. Of belonging. Of the infinite. I ultimately wrote a song about it, called Impossible Beautiful. Here is the first verse and chorus: “Impossible Beautiful, you strip away my fear. You inspire me to try. Impossible beautifully I recover my youth. I feel you. You take me by the hand for this moment, knowing that I will always remember. Now I am your witness, even as I dare to dream the impossible.”[/expand]